Out of My Control
October 2002

 

[Squall]

Suppressing a cringe as yet another twig snaps loudly in the quiet setting, I frown at the large man walking in front of me.  I haven't a notion how this man can hunt when he travels so noisily.  Though, if I were to ask Seifer, I'm certain he would claim that there wouldn't be a challenge to simply sneak up on your prey - the chase is what makes it an adventure.  This human and his foolish beliefs of what makes life interesting.  Seems so damn troublesome to me.

"Say, you hungry back there?"

I scoff.  "It's hardly midday."

"Your point being...?"

"You eat too much."

"It takes a lot to maintain this body, fey one.  And since you won't dare touch a horse, I'm using up all of my energy walking when I could've been riding."

"... ..."  Why bother pointing out that I offered to walk along while he rode the smelly beast.  Seifer would only start back into his lecture about not wanting to treat me like a slave who is unworthy of a horse.

"I think there is a pond nearby that we can stop at for lunch.  How does that sound to you?"

Before I even consider a reply, I hear a telltale sound of danger.  With no time to warn, I grab onto the blonde's pack and pull back as hard as I can.  Managing to only stop Seifer in place, it's barely enough as an arrow flies just in front of his face and imbeds into a tree to the side of the path.

"The fuck...?"

I hear the whisper of another arrow heading directly at Seifer, but I haven't the weight to push the larger man to safety.  About to step in the way of the shaft myself, a strong arm instead keeps me in place while he takes a small step back to cover me.  Tilting his head, the arrow shaves a slice along his ear, but nothing more.  I would know.

His pack is dropped to the ground while the large sword he named Hyperion is drawn before the both of us.  "Come out and play, chickies!  It'll be too boring this way!"

Two more arrows come, both easily blocked with the wide blade.  Studying Seifer before me, I realize that I have yet to witness him use the sword which I have seen cleaned and maintained nearly everyday.  If this is but a sample of his skill, it's no wonder the human never felt his life endangered with an elf unrestrained within his home.  Smirking in thought, I decide to demand a sparring match with the blonde once we are safe.

Dropping my own bag and taking a step back to gain room to work with, I lift my hands and spread them as if pulling the string of a bow.  Seifer eyes me curiously, the greens widening when a frozen arrow swirls into appearance between my hands.  My focus turned solely to hearing, I let loose the shaped ice when one of our pursuers steps carelessly amongst the trees.  A short cry signals my luck of shot.

"Not shabby, sprite."

"They're coming."  From my belt I remove a silver hilt that never bore a blade of the same material.  Held out to my side, ice quickly forms the missing section of the sword, the metal in my hand instantly turning cold.

Five forms emerge from the shadows of the forest, Seifer and I soon separated to defend ourselves.  It doesn't surprise me much that our attackers are elven, but they aren't from this area.  It's unusual for them to be crossing boundaries like this, especially into these regions where the tribes are more hostile than most.  Stepping back quickly, I manage to trick one further ahead than the other, gaining plenty of room and time to rid myself of an unnecessary burden.  For ones bold enough to attack in foreign territories, they certainly lack in skill.

"You stupid half-human.  Why are you protecting this creature?"

My response is to lash out with my blade, the elf barely dodging and his shirt sliced wide open for his effort.

"Fool!  Don't you know what he is?"

The question intrigues me enough to change my motive from killing, but I don't dare cease the quick attacks at his body, forcing him into retreat.  Not paying attention to our surroundings, his arm slams against a low tree branch and his sword is knocked loose.  Easily taking advantage of his confusion, I ram my shoulder into his body and force the elf against a thick trunk, my frozen blade pressed onto the slender neck.  Dead leaves flutter in the periphery of my vision, but my focus is on the uncertain and yet revolted gaze of blue eyes.

"And what would he be, exactly?" I question coolly.

"What, you can form that blade and yet not sense the death within him?  Even a babe could do better."

I glare at the condescending fool, my interest in what he has to say quickly fading.  Most elves say this about all humans, tenacious creatures who invade our forests and homes.  Before I decide whether to interrogate further or kill the elf, I can't hold back a flinch as a sudden flare of pain surprises me.

Blue eyes widen as redness seeps through my sleeve.  "You're his... a human's slave?  Oh, how perfect for a--"  His throat sliced and voice silenced, I let the body drop to the forest floor without a second glance.

Sprinting a short distance, I come across the body of one of Seifer's attackers, the head somewhere unseen.  It doesn't take much longer to find the blonde, but I'm forced to pause as my left leg buckles slightly from the unexpected wounding of my thigh.  The two remaining elves approach him from opposite sides while Seifer keeps both opponents within view as he retreats slowly with a mild limp.  Suddenly without reason, the clear thought comes to mind that the human will be attacking to his left, the blonde figuring that the risk of turning his back on the other elf worth the possible gain.  Dropping my sword, I quickly separate my hands to form an arrow and let it fly in the same instant Seifer lunges to his intended target.  The two elves die within heartbeats of each other.

"Well, fuck," Seifer states calmly as he examines his stained shirt.

"We should hurry."

He looks up at me, a smirk appearing.  "Good aim, fey thing.  Though I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised?"

"They were too weak to be here alone, Seifer.  They must be part of a larger group which may be hunting you."

He straightens.  "What do you suggest?"

"There is a place nearby that we can use."  I bend down to retrieve the silver hilt, ice already melted and gone.

"You want us to hide?  That's not like you, and certainly not my style either."

"We are injured and you do not travel well.  I see no other option."

His flinch is barely noticeable, but I already know of the guilt he feels every time one of his injuries transfers to me.  Without another word, he quickly wipes his blade clean on the shirt of a fallen elf before sheathing Hyperion.  After regaining our forgotten packs and some quick bandaging of our wounds, I lead us to the west and towards momentary safety.  If someone is truly hunting Seifer, they would rely on the assumption that their human prey would rather travel than stay too long in one place.  And with our food supplies, we should be fine for several days of hiding, our disappearance hopefully making the hunters believe our escape from the forest.

When we reach thick foliage of raspberries bushes, it's a quiet relief that there was no trouble nor signs of being followed, though I'm certain the blonde would argue my point of view.  Even if we are tracked this far despite some of my hasty attempts of covering our trail, no one should be able to find us within these caverns.  Pushing aside some of the brush to reveal the entrance, I look back at Seifer.

"We... are going in there?"  He doesn't seem afraid, but not very amused either.

"I can see well enough inside.  I'll lead you."

He eyes my extended hand warily.  "Can't we get cornered in there?"

"There are plenty of other tunnels and exits.  Trust me."

He curses under his breath, but grasps my hand nonetheless.

Ignoring the sensation of heat with his skin against mine, I duck inside the low entrance, Seifer partially dragged along with me.  Within a dozen steps, the ceiling rises to a decent height for the taller blonde to stand comfortably, but it also goes pitch black to the normal eye.  With keen senses and experience of traveling throughout these natural tunnels, I easily navigate to the intended destination.  The further we go, the tighter Seifer's hold becomes, but he doesn't question me once.

"We're here."

"Holy spirits... what is this?"

Green eyes widen in amusement as he walks further into the room, the forgotten hold on my hand forcing me to tag along.  Lightly colored moss that covers the walls glow with a comforting light, the darkness of the cavern pushed away.  The ceiling extends higher than the faint light even though the moss grows up along the walls easily twice my height.  To the side is a small but deep pool of fresh water, dark and reflective as any mirror.

After examining the water, Seifer turns around to speak to me, but first notices the somewhat hidden area beside the entrance.  A small pile of blankets and animal furs fills the inlet while a stack of wood sits to the side near an enclosed circle of stones with charcoal lining the bottom.

His eyes narrow slightly in thought.  "You live here?"

"No.  This is where I hide."

"And here I thought you weren't the type."

"When you're injured and no healer will touch you, a secure place to recover is a necessity."

An oddly knowing smile forms on his lips before Seifer leans over to lick and suck on my cut ear.  The only outward sign of pleasure at his prolonged touch is my inadvertent clutching of his hand.  He pulls back with a grin, redness glimmering in the corner of his lower lip.  I have to push back the urge to taste my blood mixed with his essence.

"What are you?"

Shock replacing the amused look, Seifer steps back and lets my hand slide from his grasp.  "I... What do you mean?"

"You are being hunted for a reason."

"Well, I am a human in elven territory."

"This isn't their land to be concerned about."

"How the hell am I supposed to know what those damn faeries wanted?"

"... ..."  Because he does know, but oddly chooses this word dance instead of stating the truth or else telling me to fuck off.

"Wait a moment, did they tell you something?  You know, for all I know you could be bullshitting me about the half-elf crap.  Feel like ganging up against me now?" 

He slides a foot back, preparing to draw his sword, but going back too far, his leg goes over the edge of the pool.  Unbalanced, Seifer reflectively grabs for support, but my smaller frame was never intended to bear such weight unexpectedly.  Moments later, I resurface to glare at the dazed human. 

The water apparently clearing his thoughts, he winces under my gaze.  "We're wet."

"Nh."

"Still have our packs on, too."

"Nh."

"The water's kinda cold."

"... ..."

"Um... sorry?"

"... ..."  Turning around, I push up out of the water, my clothes clinging to every inch of skin.  Walking awkwardly over to the far wall near the small enclosing meant for a fire, I toss the waterlogged pack on the ground and then begin removing sodden clothes from my chilled body.  Can't start a fire if you're dripping water on the kindling.

"Squall, listen--"

"I've never lied to you."

"... I know.  You just caught me off guard with that question.  It's kinda complicated."

"Then don't tell me."  The shirt undone, I drop it onto my pack.

There's a quiet growl and the sound of splashing as Seifer gets out of the water.  His bag is thrown next to mine before wet arms encircle my chest and force me back into the larger man.  A couple times he makes a noise as if to start an explanation, but stops himself and squeezes me tighter.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to get a fire started."

Apparently he does for his arms remain in place while he kisses the back of an ear.  "Do you touch yourself?"

"What?"  While I hate it when he suddenly changes the topic like this, if he wants an escape from this line of discussion, I can give that to him.

"You know, personal gratification."

"I don't understand."

There's a low chuckle before he takes my hand in his and directs it onto my groin.  "How often do you play with yourself?"

I shrug.  "Maybe a few times."

Seifer stills to the point of not breathing for a time.  "You have got to be kidding me.  In your lifetime, you haven't done this," he presses my hand hard against that spot, "more than a few times?"

"Nh..."  The action may be pleasurable, but experimentation had only left me feeling colder and pathetic afterwards.  I figured my time would be better spent learning to wield a blade.

He steps back suddenly, pulls off his shirt to toss it aside, and then is holding me once more, his warmth immediately felt despite the chill of moisture.  As he kisses along my shoulder, his hand glides down my stomach and further down under the waist band of the loose pants.  The heat of skin replacing the wet material makes me shiver.  His fingers wrap along my length and he squeezes, his thumb pressing forcefully just above the head.

I'm powerless as he handles the sensitive organ, teeth biting into my lower lip in the attempt to hold back noises that want to be freed.  He strokes relentlessly, never giving me time for a fresh thought or understanding of why he is doing this to me.  A finger hooks over the top of my growing arousal, rough skin rubbing the very tip.  Pushed too far, a groan erupts from me as I lean back against Seifer, his arm around my chest supporting me more than my legs are capable of at this moment.

"Now tell me how you could resist doing this."

"It's different... so warm..."  It's hard to find my breath, but I don't care as long as he continues this.

All of the sudden, there is a brief vision of Seifer above me, moving in rocking motions as I pant beneath him.  Before I can understand, the image is gone with a white flash and the pleasure he causes fills my thoughts once again.

"You want me... beneath you?"

"Mmm, for a long while.  You haven't a clue how irresistible you are."

"Why?"

He pauses in his ministrations, forcing me to bite off a whine of regret.  "Do you even know what it means to fuck?"

"... ..."  While I know the bases of mating to create life, the actual proceedings have never been explained in detail to me.  Anyhow, all I would know about involves a male and female.  What would that have to do with what Seifer wants from me?

"Shit.  I can't believe you're that innocent."

"I ended four lives today."

"True, but you're still innocent as a babe when it comes to other matters."

"Last person that made such a comparison had his throat sliced."

"Ah, but then you'd be slicing your own throat."  He pumps his hand in a quick, rough motion, inciting a gasp from me.

"Do it."

"Hn?"

"What you want from me.  Do it."

After a hesitant moment, his hand is gone from me as he grips my shoulders and forces me down onto the furs in the corner.  Straddling over me, green eyes peer directly into mine with an intense seriousness that I have never seen in his expressions before.

"Doesn't it worry you don't know what I want to take from you?"

"... ..."  Everything the blonde does worries me on some level, but more from bafflement than anxiety.  He is changing me with every second that passes, and I'm not certain whether to fear or embrace that change.

"Squall, I'm not going do anything until you talk to me here.  Why do you trust I won't hurt you?"

"You haven't."

"But I have."

Though it has never been directly by his hand, he cares when I get injured.  That makes all the difference somehow.  Words obviously not getting though, I lean up to take his lips with mine and slowly suck on the lower portion.  The hint of metallic flavor still on his lips from my blood adds an intriguing sharpness to his taste.  As always he doesn't resist the lingering contact for long before taking control.  His tongue works its way into my mouth as he presses me further into the softness of the furs and steals the breath from my lungs.

"I'll be right back."

Staring at the ceiling, I only hear Seifer rifle through a pack for some reason and then hop back while removing his remaining clothing.  Naked, he kneels to the side of my legs and quickly gets to the task of taking off my pants, my erection wilting at the exposure to air in addition to the covering of water.  Spreading my legs, Seifer moves in between and looks up at me.

"I only have some salve, but it should do for now." 

He scoops some of the ointment onto a couple fingers before setting the jar to the side.  He smirks before leaning down, then unexpectedly takes my length into his mouth.  I can't help a quiet cry at the sensation, the warming suction being nothing like I've experienced before.  Something like a laugh comes from him, but the sound is too muffled to be certain.  Either way, I can't find it me to be offended as long as he continues this pleasure.

Eventually he raises one of my legs to his shoulder, the motion almost lost in my bliss.  A slick finger presses softly against my anus, spreading the salve, then suddenly pushes inside of me.  Gritting my teeth against the vocal declaration of my pain, I try to instead focus on the workings of his mouth, soon discovering that relaxation at his invasion helps some.  He does this for a long time, at some point adding the second finger, driving me insane with the mix of pleasure and pain.

Then both his mouth and fingers are gone as Seifer sits up to spread the ointment onto his arousal.  Humans, why do they have to be so large?  As he leans forward, he bends my legs along with him, the minor wound on my thigh throbbing slightly.  At the feel of hardness at my anus, I force my breath to steady despite the suddenly clear realization of what he plans to do.

"This will hurt."

"I can handle pain."  My voice is surprisingly calm.

Seifer smirks at me, perhaps respecting my stubbornness.  With a sharp thrust he is partially in me, hurt flaring throughout my body.  He mumbles words about tightness and beauty as he presses forward, but I can't understand them beyond the overflow of sensations filling my mind.  Breathing through the pain, I wonder what made people consider this in the first place.  Opening my eyes, I focus on the face above me.  Ecstasy.  How can this cause him so much pleasure?  How can I?

"Shit, this must be killing you."  Seifer kisses me, pulling on my lower lip in his retreat.  "So fucking beautiful."

Shifting back slowly, his sudden return thrust forward catches me off guard when it causes a spike of aching pleasure.  Confused by the onset of bliss within the pain, I groan quietly when he repeats the action.  It doesn't take much longer until I find myself panting and arching beneath the larger man just as in the vision before.  Indescribable pressure builds within me, and I have to wonder if I'll break along with its eminent release.

When my vision explodes, I'm certain that I have been shattered by the blonde.

As the world comes slowly back into focus, I attempt to regain my breath, and the heavy weight on my chest certainly doesn't help much.  With some effort, I raise up an arm and thump a fist against the broad back.  Seifer mumbles out something unrecognizable and nudges his head under my chin.  Sighing, I hit the man harder, enough for the pain to echo back to me.

"Ow... that hurt."

"I know."

"Stupid elfling."

"Move."

Sighing, he gets up onto hands and knees in order to pull himself out of me, the sensation both relieving and disheartening to me, then he promptly drops to my side with a leg crossing my thighs and half his body covering me as his head returns to its spot on my chest.  With his heat draping over me, it's hard to remember how cold it was just a short time ago.

"I have powers," he states with a reluctant sigh.

"Many people do."

"Not like mine, they don't.  I kill people with barely a thought."

"... ...?"

"There are plenty stories I could tell you, but one of them should...  About eight months ago, a man I consider my father was taken by elves for some kind of trial.  They were going to kill him, but I got to them first."

"... The Massacre Cry?"

"Heh, thought you'd know about that one."

Most, no matter the species, know about that event happening only a short time past.  There are stories of a bone chilling cry sounding just before black lighting arched into the air and between trees, attacking any elf in its path.  Touch meant death.  The rumors range from a hundred to over five hundred elves dying that morning.

"In truth I had only intended to sneak the man back without a fight, but when I first found him lying on the ground and bleeding, I thought him dead.  I lost control on that darkness in me, and...  well, you know."

So, that's why he is hunted.  Stupid fools to tempt Fate a second time against a man with such powers.  "Why did you fear to tell me this?"

He laughs harshly.  "I fucking killed hundreds of elves.  Thought you might hold it against me."

"Everyone has their time to die."

"It's not that simple.  Even if you do have a grudge with pure bloods, I can't control these powers.  Shit, I killed my own parents when I was a child.  Just as likely as I could kill you."

There's a sickening pain in my chest, but it's not my ache.  "You don't frighten me."

It's quiet for a long time.  I almost think the blonde asleep before he leans up on an elbow in order to look directly at my face.  Green eyes stare at me, the hidden pain and intense emotion shines in the dim light of the surrounding moss.  For the first time I truly realize that the large, bothersome human is amazingly attractive.

His pale lips form a soft smile.  "I love you."

Love.  A concept I haven't thought about since the death of my mother, my life.  But seeing this man close by, his essence still within me, and his skin warming mine...  I'm relieved that I don't have to live without him.

Suddenly my wrists and neck feel as if burning from coldness, a shaky breath passing through my lips.  Soon after Seifer shivers from what must be a chill in his chest, at least that is how he explained the sensation from the one time before.  The chains.  I'm almost afraid to look at them.

"Squall...?"

Taking a deep breath, I refocus on the space between Seifer and me.  Clear.  From that dark colored metal to this clear, crystalline material that glitters in the light though the chains do not truly exist.

"I see them," comes an amazed whisper.

I look up at the blonde, finding his gaze fixed on my neck.  "How?  Your powers?"

He shakes his head.  "I never use them intentionally, and never like this.  Shit, it's actually chains."

"They aren't real.  Just the way our minds can best see the magic."

Fingers brush along the base of my neck.  "I'm sorry--"

"Enough."  I normalize my vision, not caring to see those bindings anymore.

Blinking, Seifer raises his eyes to mine.  "It's you.  I saw them through you."

Staring at him, thoughts fly through my mind.  Gold to iron to crystal... no, diamond.  The chains binding me to him are strengthening.  But why should that matter?  The link can't be broken no matter the relative material.  But the visions, or rather his thoughts transferred to me, and now his ability to tap into my magic... it could be related to the strength.  And yet I've never heard of this evolution of the chain joining master and slave.  I don't understand.

"Hey, elfling.  Care to speak about what's happening in there?"  He pokes my forehead.

"Later."  I cup his face in my hand.  "Seifer, I..."

Eyes narrowing, he smiles.  "Call me crazy, but I think I hear you just fine."

Leaning over me, the man licks my lips before pressing soft flesh together.  My hand slides back into short golden hair, the feel softer than one would imagine.  Earlier I had been asked if I could sense the death within this man.  I can't.  There is only the scent of life in connection with Seifer.  From the breath of life he gave me to his love of challenge in daily living, I can't imagine any room left within him for the darkness he believes is there.

And it's hard to believe these emotions can still exist within me.  Fuck.  I died, was forced back into the living world, and then found my life no longer my own.  Something in me suggests that I should be furious at such a situation, demanding that emotions and dependence only gets you hurt in the end, but... perhaps complete control over your life can be an overrated thing.

 

{Continued}

 

Author's Whining -- Ugh, shoot me now.  Sorry about this sad chapter, but at least I'm starting to figure out some pieces of plot.  Maybe.  In the future, I'll probably be joining up the chapters to form larger parts, aka more standard of what I've been writing lately.  As for the next installment, who's that behind you!! ......*runs away*