Out of My Control
December 2002

 

[Seifer]

I don't give a shit if I'm being overprotective of the elfling, but I can't get rid of this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.  And it's a rare day that I can't enjoy at least a few steins of ale with some mercenary friends.  Hell, barely got through one before I finally admitted that I had to get out of there and hunt down Squall.

When I don't find him where I left the fey thing last, I continue on towards the river.  He seems to have a favorite spot near a wide section of calmer waters that I have found him at in times past.  At the sound of flowing water, I try to slow my pace in order to regain some composure, but the sense of unease won't leave me.  I don't find the elfling sitting pensively on the large rocks as I had expected.  Instead, I nearly trip over something lying in my path.

"Holy fuck.  Laguna," I kneel next to the prone man, gently lifting his head to examine the gash and swelling there.  "Come on, old man.  Talk to me here."

His eyelids open, the eyes rolling slightly before focusing on me.  "Boy?  What... where am I?"

"Outside of camp.  Who did this to you?"

"Did...?"  He looks at me confusedly then glances down to his side at a broken weapon left there.  "No.  Spirits, no.  Kiros, you fool.  And Squall..."

"Squall?  What about him?  Where are they?"

Laguna shakes his head, then tries to get up from the ground.

"Don't move.  I'll get you to the medic."

"No time.  We have to stop Kiros, and," he smirks at me, "I've handled worse blows than this."

"When you were probably twenty years younger," I grumble, but I help the older man to his feet despite my worry.  "Now, what the hell is happening here?"

"I'm not certain, but Squall's life may be in danger at this moment."

Instantly I recognize the darkness that threatens my vision at this news, but I manage to drive it away before it takes control of me.  Looks like Squall's lessons haven't been a complete waste after all.  Hands clenched tightly, I turn in the direction I can best feel the pull of chains that imprison the elfling to me.  Shit, I can only hope Kiros doesn't go further than the limits of the unseen shackles.

Without consideration to Laguna, I start at a fast stride in the direction I believe will lead me to Squall.  The background of trees and water barely enter my mind as I move forward, every now and again changing directions without warning to the man who may still be following me and unmindful of obstacles in my path.  Though I do notice crossing the river three times.  I hate waterlogged boots.

It's at an expanse of meadows lit by a setting sun that I get my first glimpse of a figure ahead.  The person stands calmly to the side of several large boulders that don't look in place in this scenery.  Focused on driving away the blackness from my mind, I force myself to slow my pace as I approach the darkly skinned elf.  Only when I get closer do I notice Squall, the elfing lying flat as if sleeping on a large slab of rock.

"Kiros," I growl out in both question and warning.

Dark eyes look tiredly at me.  "Leave now, kitten.  Leave and forget all about this--  this one."

"What the fucking hell do you think you're doing!?"  Suddenly with a single step I'm knocked back several feet by a painful force.

"I've placed a shield.  You can't do anything from where you are, so you might as well turn back now."

After several more attempts at breaking the barrier, I settle for the realization that there's nothing I can do like this and stand as close as I can to best scowl at the elf.  "Why?  Why are you doing this to me?"

"To you?  Kitten, I'm doing this to save you and who knows how many others.  Since you're too thickheaded to listen to Ellone, I decided to take a more drastic route."  He grins slightly.

I look at the prone elfing, as if my stare could somehow wake him.  "He doesn't mean anyone harm.  He'd rather hide in caverns for the rest of his life than go on a world dominating venture.  He only wants to prevent my powers from destroying me.  What is so wrong with that!?"

"It's better if you die young, boy.  You only live now because it'd devastate Laguna."

"What...?"

"I taught you to contain your powers so that your own curse would destroy you rather than the innocents of this world."  He approaches the unconscious elfing, gripping the exposed neck.  "And this one didn't seem to be taking his time to undo my instructions to you."

I can only stare, no longer recognizing the person before me.  The person who had helped Laguna raise me like a second father.  All those lessons done in his smooth, patient voice that easily calmed my frustrations, and yet were only meant to guarantee an early death.  Death of a demon that he apparently had always considered me to be.

"Go, kitten.  Whatever he has taught you in this short time can't save you.  Go, and enjoy the few years you have left."

Whatever I planned to say was interrupted by the sound of numerous footsteps as a large group of people emerged from the forest on the other side of the meadows.  Judging by the dress and movements, it appears to be a unit of elves that certainly shouldn't be in this area.  At the sight of them, the dark flames flare within me, and I'm about ready to just damn everything and let loose that cursed energy.  Only my fear of inadvertently killing Squall helps to prevent such recklessness.

Regaining my attention, Kiros sighs while looking towards the approaching elves.  "I suggest leaving quickly.  They won't be as merciful as I to spare your life."

As if signaled for, an arrow lands bare inches in front of me from the distance.  Before I can consider a reaction or defense, a second arrow shaft embeds into my upper arm, nearly knocking me over.  I glare at the two archers approaching at a faster pace than the rest of the group, then return my gaze to the silent elfling.

The sight of blood staining his shirtsleeve is my last sane thought as blackness shades my vision.

Strange how different it is this time.  There isn't a large burst of energy out to kill everything in its path, but instead a darker part of me takes over with recent lessons firm in mind.  Black shafts of arrows form before me, launching with precise aim at the closest elves for a quick kill.  For the first time, I consciously sense bits of my life and soul going into that dark energy, but it's too late to pull everything back now.

The rest of the squad balks with uncertainty at the lost of at least a forth of their number with one attack.  Smirking at the tight clump of elves, I focus to create a small ball of condensed energy amongst them.  Waiting for the moment between recognition of the oncoming danger and just before escape is possible, I release the seal on that energy so it can devour them all.  The flavor of blood covers my tongue, whether real or a product of my imagination I haven't a care.

With barely a thought, I shield my body before attempting the barrier once more.  Facing the elf within as our two energies meet in competition, I smirk as his expression slowly changes from aloof to alarmed.  I can hear his increasing heartbeats from here, and I wonder if his blood would be dark with richness like his skin.  One moment to the next, there's the bright shattering of his broken shield.  So simple, it's no longer any fun.  No reason to make this last.

I approach the now fallen and exhausted elf as I condense my shield around a single hand.  A dark figure suddenly covers the soon to be dead elf, but I don't have it in me to focus on the face of this new obstacle or the words it directs at me.  It'd still be a simple case to kill them both.  Pulling my hand back to my side, I deeply inhale the scent of fear radiating from these creatures before spearing my hand forward.  But yet again, something moves into my path, my attack left useless within the single warm body.

It's the touch of coldness against my cheek that instantly clears the darkness and need of blood from my mind.  Staring into stormy eyes, my first thought is full of relief that Squall has regained consciousness from whatever Kiros had done to him.  But slowly I realize what it means to have the elfing standing here directly before me.

"You can't kill your... our father," he whispers hesitantly to me.

Glancing over his shoulder I find Laguna still protecting the dark elf.  Spirits, what have I done?  But the sound of cracking redirects my attention to Squall, his chains suddenly visible to me.  Already bits of the links are falling apart, dropping to evaporate into nothing.

"It's okay.  I've already died once."  He smiles weakly at me.

Slowly, carefully I pull my hand out from his lean body and make the hopeless attempt to stop the blood.  "Don't... don't you have magic for this?"

He spares a chuckle, barely heard over the noise of shattering.  "No.  But the poison... is numbing the pain for me."

"Why do something so fucking stupid?"

"Enough," he states before leaning up to press cool, dry lips against mine.

I certainly don't want this now, but knowing there's nothing else to do for the elfing, I share in this minor comfort as I try to ignore the breaking bond between us.  And to think all this time I wanted to remove those chains from Squall, but not like this.  Never like this.  His breaths get weaker within short time, and after a last puff hinted with blood, he slumps against me.  It takes conscious effort to accept that final breath, to make it a permanent part of me.

Slowly, I guide us both to the redden ground below.  Looking at the unusually peaceful face, emotion chokes in my chest and makes it hard to breathe.  But eventually I realize that isn't the source of the problem, something instead enclosing painfully around my throat.  Placing a blood coated hand against my neck, I can't find the source of this torment.  Damn elves and their magic.  I must have missed killing one of the bastards, but maybe for the better.  Light begins to spot my vision, depriving me of the view I would most wish to die with.

Squall...

Abruptly the noose like hold loosens, and I take a deep, annoying breath that saves me momentarily from death.  An echo of that inhale confuses me though, the sound soon followed harsh coughing.

"Fuck," comes a rough voice.  "What did you do now?"


I place a small branch of white flowers before the grave marker such that it forms a cross with the one just placed there.  Rising back to my feet, I reach blindly to my side in order to find and grasp onto a hand smaller than mine.

"So, think we're immortal?"

Squall scoffs at my question.  "You ask this every year.  And every year I tell you that I don't know."

I look at him, smiling at the sight of the chains between us that I can see without the help of the elfling's powers.  While an aged bond now, the first time I saw the hazy chains reformed around Squall's neck, it frightened me somewhat.  Hell, him coming back to life should've been enough to scare me, but it was the seemingly weakened bond between us that had me worried.  Diamond turned to mere smoke, or at least it had appeared.

Best we can figure, just as I gave Squall a breath of life to join him to me, he had given me his last breath filled with his life to change our chains one final time.  Only this time, the chains choose to collar me as well to match Squall's shackles.  The elfling hasn't understood anything about these chains since the first transformation, and this last time was most baffling of all.  He blames a history of the bonding being only used for slavery purposes and never created with a ridiculous human who refused to acknowledge himself properly as a master.

Squall has his random theories, something along the lines of a reversal of the curse such that instead of injury being reflected between the bonded, healing and strength echoes between us.  As such, we must be both injured in the same spot for the wound to stay unhealed, or something like that.  He assumes the same applies for aging in an identical pattern.  Personally, I don't give a shit if it means I get to spend yet another year with this fey creature.

"Seifer..."

"No.  It's been barely a year since we kicked out the last of them."

"Then tell me that I didn't see you lingering in the extra room just this morning."

I frown, turning my gaze back to the simple grave stone - Laguna Loire, Father To Us All.  Over a century since the old man past on naturally, and yet his legacy lives on through Squall, surprisingly.  Well, maybe it has something to do with their shared blood.  Almost twenty children have lived under our roof, all saved from a life of slavery and prejudice.  Sometimes I think these lost children are Squall's way to apologize for depriving me a normal life of a wife and children.  As if I would want to damn some child with tainted blood.  While I can control these powers with ease now, it took decades of training to reach a satisfactory level.  I wonder if I would've lived that long in the first place. 

With that thought, I look briefly at the unmarked grave next to Laguna.  The golden hearted man never doubted Kiros' good intentions despite the devestating damage he nearly caused, and so it was only the naive Laguna that held trust for the dark elf ever again, though it somewhat pains me to think so about my once respected instructor and near father.

"Fine," I submit to Squall's continued silence.  "Two.  A girl and boy, but that's it.  No more brats after that for the rest of our lives, you got it?"

I can sense his knowing smile without looking.  Bastard.  Why do I bother making orders when he doesn't even listen to me?

He pulls at my hand, then, leading me to the worn trail that will take us back home.  It's only a short distance, a large cabin hidden mostly among the various trees and well off the typical trails people journey on.  Only those who know where they are going can easily find this place, though I imagine most that hunted us in the past are dead, or else believe us killed long ago.

Barely a step into the house and Squall begins to push my coat off my shoulders.  Ah, the one wondrous thing about bringing additions into our 'family' - the traditional last night without worry of being interrupted.  I let my coat drop to the floor before helping the elfing rid himself of a couple sweaters as we walk clumsily to our bedroom.  With a final teasing kiss, Squall turns to the large mattress and lies on his stomach.  His head resting in my direction, he attempts a pleading expression mixed sultry torment.  Of course, he succeeds.  Fuck, I was supposed to be the one in control with relationship, wasn't I?

Straddling his thighs, I place my hands at his shoulders, instantly rewarded with a quiet moan after only one firm squeeze of forever tense muscles.  Slowly I work my magic on the lithe form, receiving my own pleasure in the noises only I can drive out of this fey thing and with sporadic thrusts of my aching arousal against his ass.  One would think I should tire of seeing this body by now, but instead I find something new every time to obsess over.  Today the arch of his shoulder blades against soft skin seems so perfect in shape and form.

After an extended amount of time, I move his legs so that I can sit back on my heels, and then wrap my hands underneath to his stomach in order to signal the end of his massage.  Silently Squall rises back to his hands and knees, then stretches briefly like an exotic cat.  Using me for guidance, he slides back on his knees until my hardness presses against his entrance.  His face angled upwards and eyes closed in bliss, he sinks down on me with a languid motion.  While he stays there impaled fully onto me in order to 'rediscover heat' as he once called it, I take a lengthy ear into my mouth, loving the way it twitches against my tongue whenever I brush fingers across his nipples.

Eventually Squall starts a steady rhythm of lifting to his knees and then impaling himself time and time again.  With his head bowed in both concentration and pleasure filled tension, I turn my attentions to his back and an angular shoulder blade.  I lick that line strongly, the elfing shivering once at the chill from such an action.  The salt of sweat and his natural flavor makes me crave more like always, and I graze my teeth against the lightly colored flesh.  Soon the fullness of blood enters my mouth with a quiet cry from Squall, and I loose myself briefly in the rush it gives me.  As he has demanded of me, I have never truly tasted another person's blood, and anymore I can't imagine settling for less than this.  Of course it still bothers me to hurt him, but Squall takes some kind of honor in the act, so who am I to deny him.

With a final lick of sweetness, I straighten to watch the small wound heal before my eyes.  Knowing I've reached my fill, Squall leans back against me for a better angle of movement.  My hand barely touches his erection before he loses it, his rush of climax soon filling my own senses due to our bond and forces my release.

Leaning forward, I move us to lie down with Squall pinned beneath me.  His hand moves automatically to twist a figure around a long, thin braid of hair I let grow aside from my normally short cut.  A symbol of the time we've been together, though I've already had to cut it several times over the years, the strands always hidden away by Squall somewhere.

"There was a time when I wanted to die," he says, his other hand clasping onto mine that rests near his head.  "How did you make me want to live?"

"Sex with me is just that good."

He tugs painfully at the thin braid, momentarily making me worry about loosing the strands of hair.

"What, it's not like I know what's happening in that elfing brain of yours."

"... Why did you save me that first time?"

I shrug.  "Felt like a good idea at the time."

He scoffs.  "You and your reckless feelings."

"Hey, it got us this far, didn't it."

Turning into the pillow, I barely hear a muttered, "As if I'm one to talk..."

"What was that?"

One stormy looks up at me from the folds of the cushion.  "I fell in love with you despite the logical disaster it would create."

"You don't always have to be logical," I state with a smirk.

"And have you spending our gold on foolish games and murky liquid?  I think not."

"That's gambling and ale, fey one.  They're typical pastime events in this region."

"Whatever."

There's so much in a single life that is beyond our reason and control.  Perhaps that's when Fate comes in to give us a choice in paths and journeys to take.  Every day I breathe a new breath, every time I touch this cool skin, every moment I stare into eyes of shifting blue, I bless the powers that may be for my luck in life.

"Hey, hey.  Don't go to sleep, you damn elfing.  If we're going to house another lot of brats for more than ten years, I need some more reward time now."

"Fucking human," he grumbles.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"... ..."

"Say... you know that I love you, too, right?"

He lifts up onto his forearms to better see me, then leans in for a chaste kiss.  "If it means keeping you good..." he says against my lips.

"Mmmm, that's what I'm talking about."

 

{Owari}

 

Author's Whining -- Sorry for the bleh ending, but a) I really wanted to finish this ficcie and did so in a hurry.  Before the new year or not, this wouldn't have changed much because b) I got a bit tired of this plot, as what usually happens to me with these stories.  I really need to learn some patience.  Anywho, hope you enjoyed somewhat, happy holidays to all, and see you after the new year.

12-25-02 -- Updated this a bit. Cut out a part about Squall that was stuck in my head from another plot idea with this story and I included without thinking about how I never wrote it into the story. Sickness can do that to you. =P Hope I'm forgiven.