Imperfect Life
July 2003

 

With a crunch of gravel and dirt, the green-eyed boy dropped ungracefully from some height to the stone ledge that stuck out from the seaside cliff.  Wiping a few rebellious strands of blonde from his forehead and eyes, the pleased smirk on his face quickly disappeared once he noticed the other boy not looking in his direction.  Sighing, he moved to stand behind the dark-haired boy smaller than himself.  The boy's longish strands of brown swayed in the ocean breeze, but apparently used to those bangs in his eyes, no hand bothered to brush them aside.

"Ya didn't haveta leave."

The brunette shrugged, acknowledging the other boy though his blue-gray eyes never left the sight of the sea spread out before him.

"Hn, it was a stupid game anyways.  Girls don't know what fun is."

Not offering a comment of his own, the smaller boy simply wrapped arms around his midsection and leaned forward slightly despite his rather precarious position on the edge, his legs swinging high above the surf.

"Are you cold again, stupid?"  Taking a seat behind the boy, the blonde straddled his legs around the other and encircled the vaguely shivering shoulders with his arms.  "That better?"

The brunette leaning back into the warmer body was the only reply.

"Why don't you wear a jacket or somethin'?"

After a shrug, a quiet voice finally sounded.  "You're here."

The blonde snorted, though he smiled widely.  "You're so stoopid."

Easy silence fell between the two boys, both seemingly happy enough with each other's company as they watched over the always moving waters of the ocean.  Occasionally a strong breeze would blow, forcing the two to huddle tighter.  After some time of watching the waves and birds, the blonde boy was the first to break the silence.

"Y'know, Matron wasn't happy that you didn't show for lunch.  Why didn't ya come back?"

"Selphie was annoying."

The blonde snickered at the comment.  "And the sky's blue.  So?"

"... ..."

"Well, like I said, the game was stupid.  Don't see why we couldn't be husband and wife, too, like Selph and Irvine, and Quisty and Chicken.

"'Cause boys can't be together like that."

"Says Quisty, and I don't believe her."

"Whatever."

Frowning, the blonde rested his chin on the small shoulder.  "Say, Squall, you'd be my wife in the future, right?  And we'd have kids 'n' stuff."

Dark eyebrows scrunched in thought.  "I don't think it works like that.  Matron said a boy and girl in love can make a baby, not just any two people."

"Nh...  Maybe that's true, but only 'cause Matron knows a bunch."  After a time of silence, the larger boy asked in a quiet voice, "But if we could, you'd do that with me, right?"

"... I guess."

Hugging the smaller boy tightly, the blonde grinned.  "You're so great, Squall."

A faint redness appearing on fair skin, the brunette mumbled such that his words were covered by the sounds of the sea.  "Only you think so."


[Squall]

With my no longer quite so new gunblade heavy in my hand, I follow Seifer to the cabin he has claimed as his over the years.  The location had surprised me somewhat when we had first arrived yesterday, since what SeeD cadet could own his own cabin far into the woods?  Of course, that would be discounting Seifer's odd strikes of amazing luck.  According to him, he found the cabin abandoned during a backpacking trip a couple years back.  Perhaps a sudden increase in monsters drove the previous owners off or there was some other reason, but since that time, no one else has made a claim on the decently sized cabin.  Of course it's nothing extravagant, but it holds within the simple luxuries of a worn bed and a ratty couch, as well as a fireplace, a wood stove, and a sturdy roof, which all serve to make the woods several times more livable compared to camping outside like we had to yesterday.

Most of the first day of the trip had been spent on an early train to Timber, where I had purchased my gunblade, and then we began our hike deep into the forest northwest of the city.  Last night we had to sleep outside, the dark of night and the relatively large amount of stronger monsters forcing us to use a tent.  Both of us tired from a hard hike and numerous fights, we had fallen directly to sleep.  We didn't reach the cabin until earlier this afternoon.  After dumping our bags into the only bedroom area, Seifer had suggested a spar to loosen up our muscles and to officially test out my new blade.

Thinking of the blade, I place my free hand on the Griever pendant of my necklace, the matching ring on my finger clinging quietly against the metal.  I didn't really want them, but Seifer was rather insistent that I should have something that represented my apparent lion image.  Given that we did have excess metal and the weapons maker happened to have a discount to do jewelry with a weapons purchase, I gave into Seifer's pleading.  Though I also made him get some kind of necklace as well.  Like hell I wanted to be the only one returning to Garden with new jewelry.  So he chose a choker that had used up the rest of the metal, his odd grin telling me that he wasn't bothered in the least having something flashy around his neck.

"Hey, Squall.  Did you hear me?"

Looking up sharply, I notice the cabin already in sight and Seifer smirking at me as he walks backwards.

"It's a wonder you don't get yourself permanently lost in that head of yours.  Anyway, I was asking if you didn't mind us surviving on the food we brought one more night.  I'm too tired to feel like hunting and cleaning some game for dinner, and you look in about the same state as myself."

"That's fine," I say while resisting a laugh, knowing that the food we brought is still better than anything we would get at the cafeteria.  I'd hardly call it 'surviving' on this food, but I'm certainly not going to boost Seifer's ego even further by complementing him.

"Great.  So I was thinking that we'd go to the river to clean off, eat to our fill, and then just laze about until we can't stay awake anymore.  Sound good?"

I look into the bright green eyes and clearly see that he'd rather more, but he's staying true to his promise to not push anything on me.  I nod to his suggestions, the idea of getting travel dirt off of my body a very appealing one.

As we gather clean clothes before he leads us to a nearby river, I try to figure out how the hell I got myself into this mess.  I wish I could blame chocolate, a weakness of mine that I had never realized before.  I remember being fed a portion of warm and moist brownie, the dessert completely destroying my logical thought process when Seifer had asked for perhaps the twentieth time if I would spend my vacation time with him.  Really, it must have been the chocolate that had made me say 'yes', especially when I know what this trip is all about - Seifer trying to make me want him.  It's pathetic, really, the blonde needing to prove his status as a lover who leaves his conquests begging for more.  Considering that he has hurt me plenty in the training center, I can't believe his excuse about being upset that I had been injured.  And that leaves the obvious reason of him trying to mend a wounded pride.

After a short walk from the cabin, I pause at the sight of the crystal clear river, a wider section of the stream flowing out into an appealing pond-like area.  Without hesitation, Seifer drops his clean clothes onto a flat boulder and strips off the filthy and torn clothes I recognize well from previous sparring matches.  I shouldn't be bothered by this, us showering plenty of times together in the past.  But that was before, and since that night two weeks ago, I have avoided situations with the blonde being naked.  Trying to prove to either Seifer or myself that one meaningless night shouldn't change what we have between us, I place my fresh clothes more carefully next to Seifer's and remove my clothes with less haste.  The blonde smiles, though it seems something closer to relief than amusement.

For the small amount of worry it caused me, nothing happened at the river further than Seifer swearing at the coldness of the water and mocking me for showing no discomfort at the temperature.  It was actually rather nice, water in nature never failing to soothe me for some reason.  Cleaned and eventually fed, I found myself that night sitting on an old, but still soft fur rug in front of the fire place.  The couch was there, but Seifer had been sitting on it earlier, and I found myself with the desire to stretch out more than the couch would allow with two of us sitting there.

"Here," Seifer says, a mug of hot chocolate abruptly blocking my view of the fire.

Taking the hot cup in two hands, I thank him quietly.

He doesn't sit down, instead sipping from his cup before speaking.  "So, am I that frightening to you?"

Closing my eyes, I force myself to not respond to the taunt.  I'm not afraid of Seifer, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be careful around him.

He sighs.  "Why did you come, Squall?"

I shrug, still not too certain myself.

"You're impossible at times, you know that?"  With a low grunt, he sits behind me and I hear him set his mug on the wood floor.  "Would you at least relax a little?"

I flinch at the sudden grip of strong hands at my shoulders, something Seifer must have felt but chose to ignore.  Slowly, and with much determination on his part, I sink into the soothing motions of the massage.  It's strange that hands which kill can also bring about so much pleasure, but I don't bother dwelling on such thoughts, especially with the subtle shift in the massage that changes it from platonic to seduction.

As thumbs press nicely at my lower back, Seifer leans forward to ask in a hushed voice, "May I go further?"

I don't respond immediately, allowing myself a little bit more enjoyment under his hands before speaking.  "Why me?"

His hands don't even pause in surprise at the question, the blonde probably expecting it to be asked at some point during this trip.  "Well, if you want to know why I'm attracted to you, it's simply because you are gorgeous, very appealing to any eye.  But I've come across plenty of attractive men before, so that doesn't explain everything."  The massage moves forward to my side and hips.  "I'm just comfortable with you, Squall.  I know you won't tell anyone about this, and I know you would never hurt me when it wouldn't be called for.  It's a matter of honor between us."

Surprise holding my tongue, I stare deeper into the fire.  I hadn't thought about that angle, that of course we would hurt each other while sparring, but to injure me in bed would be something inexcusable to Seifer.  But... but even if that were true, I can still only believe that this is a matter of pride for him.

"Let me make it up to you.  I looked up some things and I messed up last time.  I swear that it can be better for you, and it'll only be about your pleasure."

I find myself shaking my head, a knot building in my stomach at what I can't stop myself from saying.  "I don't want it just about me."

There's a quiet pause before he scoffs.  "So you're satisfied making everything about me, but Hyne forbid you're spoiled for a night."

"... ..."

"Well, sorry, Squally-boy, but I don't like working that way.  Let's go."

He suddenly stands at those words, a hand under my upper arm lifting me up with him.  With just enough force to lead me, but not with enough strength to make it impossible for me to escape his hold, he takes me into the bedroom and pushes me down onto the bed.  Like the one time before, I try to retreat into my mind and ignore his hands enflaming my cooler skin as he efficiently strips me of clothing.  He sits up once to remove his shirt and jeans, but leaves on the dark green boxers.

Noticing my gaze, he smirks.  "I'm trying to resist some temptation."

Lying down to my side while leaning on an elbow, he places a large hand on my penis, the bold move a shock considering he was so hesitant to explore that area the last time.  Seifer quickly takes advantage of my lowered defenses, his thumb stroking the sensitive tip while his fingers wrap tightly around the shaft.  He doesn't give me the chance to collect myself as he tries different things, some failing to please, but most easily serving to coax the hardening of my penis.  It doesn't take long before my eyes go wide as I realize that I'm too close to coming from the simple hand job.  I try to inform Seifer of that fact, but he just smirks and leans down to force me into a deep kiss, his tongue wandering where it shouldn't be allowed.  As he pumps harder with a tight fist around my erection and makes me whimper into the joining of lips, the tip of his tongue strokes the side of my tongue, the oddly pleasing sensation being one too many as orgasm crashes over me.

Panting hard in the effort to regain lost breath, I barely notice as Seifer sits up and licks his hand for some reason, but then I suddenly realize what should be on his hand.  Eyes snapping wide, I grab his wrist and pull the hand away from his mouth.

Smirking at my move, he asks, "What, you want a taste?"

"Are you crazy.  That's... filthy."

He laughs.  "Of course it isn't.  It came from your body.  Though it's interesting how different it tastes from mine."

If possible, my eyes widen further.

"Oh, come on, Squall.  You've heard of kisses where a lovely lady shares her prize after a blowjob, right?"

Hyne, people actually do that sort of thing?  I'm starting to believe that my apathy towards sex is perhaps a better thing than I had ever realized.


[Seifer]

Staring into the blue-gray eyes that are wider than I haven't ever witnessed before, I'm suddenly struck by the true innocence of this beauty.  I had assumed him to be a virgin simply due to his antisocial nature and unskilled kisses, but the meaning of that inexperience has finally hit home.  He truly doesn't know the wonders of sex, and now he only understands the pain that can occur.  Shit.  Another point for Almasy stupidity.

Gently removing his hand from its loosened grip on my arm, I smile in a hopefully calming manner.  "I just want to grab a couple things and then I'll be right back.  Don't move."

I don't wait for the reply that probably wouldn't be coming anyway.  Rolling off the bed, I take the few steps to reach my bag where a small towel and a hidden tube are easily removed from a side pocket.  By the time I return to Squall's side, he has skillfully collected himself and proceeds to watch me with a neutral expression of disinterest.  After quickly wiping my hand clean, I then use the towel to remove the splatter of cum from the lithe body, all the while resisting the urge to taste his essence one more time.  Tossing the towel to a corner of the bed for later use, I take hold of the retrieved tube and unscrew the cap.

"Just lie back, relax, and try to trust me."

A familiar scowl forms, though he doesn't voice what bothered him about the comment.  He lies back and stretches his body out beautifully before me, the sight causing a throb of aching desire in my cock.  Wetting my middle finger with the lube, I move Squall's legs to give me easier access to his anus.  Lightly I encircle the small opening with my finger, waiting until Squall relaxes enough for me to feel comfortable about invading that tight space once more.  He inhales sharply at the intrusion, but doesn't retreat or look to be in real pain.  As for myself, I'm rather intrigued by the different, firmer feel of the anal cavity.  Stroking carefully, I'm soon greeted with a soft sigh from the brunette as he relaxes to the inner massage.  Removing my finger, I quickly recoat it and my pointer finger with more of the lubrication.  The fingers slip in rather easily, Squall whimpering slightly at the entrance.  Enjoying the moment of trust, I kiss and suck lightly at his inner thighs while my fingers slowly work inward.  When I finally come across mushy softness, I'm rewarded with a near kick to the groin when Squall physically reacts to the sudden spike of pleasure.

"Wha...?" is all he can manage at first.

"Did I hit a special spot?"

After staring at me suspiciously for a moment, he rests his head back once more with a quiet sound of agreement.

I enjoy myself from that point on, driving the most interesting noises from the typically stoic brunette.  He tries his hardest to resist at first, then finally giving into the inevitable that his body was going to respond as it pleased to the right touches.  With time, his erection is back at full strength, my own arousal getting rather uncomfortable as I can't help reacting to the body squirming at my caresses.

"Seifer," comes a sudden hiss and I look up into deep blue eyes.  "Please...  Not just me," he pants out.

"But tonight--"

"You want it.  Do it."

To my shame, I don't seem to have the proper brain function to argue the point as I quickly remove my boxers.  Placing a healthy dose of lube on my palm, I coat my erection with the cool substance before returning my focus to Squall and prevent him from rolling over onto his stomach.

I ask, "You're rather flexible, aren't you?"

Taking his silence as an affirmative, I slip my hands under his thighs and press them up towards his chest.  With some awkwardness, I manage to get the right positioning behind him.  After a word of warning, I gently push against his opening, my hardened cock slipping in much easier than the last time.  Though I try to stay focused on controlling myself, I feel like I'm slowly being overcome by that sensation of nearly painful tightness.  Looking down at the lion, I'm happy to see the lack of pain in his expression, it appearing something closer to deep concentration.  Carefully I press in deeper, soon entirely sheathed within the smaller body.  I had forgotten.  The squeezing pressure, the amazing heat for one so cold, the realization of being deep inside a worthy opponent... I had forgotten the distracting pleasure it all caused.

"Hyne, Squall... Please tell me that this isn't hurting you."

He shakes his head and mumbles, "S'okay.  Do whatever."

I try at first to keep my rhythm slow, but a small voice keeps echoing in the back of my mind that Squall can easily handle more, that he isn't weak like some women I've bedded in the past.  Trusting my ability to read his expression for signs of pain, I increase the pace of the thrusts, needing more, needing to be deeper within the lithe body.  At the first cry from the brunette, I pause in fear that I've pushed him too far, but Squall continues to rock slightly, barely heard whimpers slipping from pale lips.  Comforted that the lion actually wants more of this, I decide to simply flow with the rhythm of sex, not bothering to watch the strength of my every thrust.

Pounding hard into the beauty, I don't even notice the approaching end until Squall clamps tight around me, my resulting orgasm drawing everything out of me.  I half fall, half lean forward to rest my head against his chest, the fast throbbing of his heartbeats and loud intakes of air extremely satisfying to me.  I lie there without the desire to move, the sounds of Squall's gradually calming body serving to soothe my own overheated body.  In time, however, the moment is ruined when he pushes a hand against my shoulder.

"Move already."

Smiling weakly at the annoyed, overly tired voice, I carefully remove myself from him before rolling over onto my side.  The feel of wetness on my stomach makes my smile widen when I glance down and finger the splattering of cum.  Perhaps with morbid fascination, Squall watches as I lick my finger clean.

"You're weird," he mumbles before closing his eyes, apparently ready for sleep.

I lie there in silence, simply watching the youth as he drifts into easy slumber.  Usually I dread this part of the night, a time spent trying to figure out the best lines to use in the morning to make certain that my partner understands that I had only wanted the night of sex and that it had meant nothing more.  But tonight is an odd reversal.  While Squall has been probably counting on this being a final night, I'm not too certain that I want to let go of this just yet.  It wasn't a lie when I said that I was comfortable him, and that fact adds a completely unexpected dimension to sex.  While it's certainly not 'making love' or any of that crap, it's not simple fucking either and I certainly wouldn't mind doing it more often.

After a short time of viewing the sleeping lion, I reluctantly close my eyes and try to get some sleep.  It'd be better to be at full energy in morning just in case hell freezes over and Squall decides to help cure me of the morning wood I'm bound to end up with when I wake.


[Squall]

"What the hell do you think you're doing out here?"

"Trying to sleep," I mumble, refusing to open my eyes.

"So I noticed, but the question is why.  The bed must be far more comfortable than that piece of crap."

Hearing the large teen move directly in front of the couch, I reluctantly open my eyes and glance over at him, trying to relay the message that I'm not amused at being kept awake.

"Are you regretting this trip?" he asks with a self-assured smirk.

I don't reply, but guessing by his look, Seifer already knows how I feel about this vacation.  Against better judgment, I've been having fun with the blonde.  Sparring outside in the forest has been a very nice change from the training center, and the fishing today was enjoyable mostly because Seifer couldn't catch anything larger than his pinky finger.  But I know full well that the true focus of the question is directed at last night.  While I could never admit it out loud, the sex was amazing.  Because I was so focused on preparing myself for the expected pain, I wasn't able to protect myself against the spikes of pleasure that easily overwhelmed me.  It's bothersome that Seifer was able to keep his promise - he showed me ecstasy, and now I have to live without.

Seifer chuckles lightly at me, then kneeling to be closer to eye level.  "I don't remember getting a 'thank you' for last night."

I scoff.  "We had your 'one more night'.  What else do you want from me?"

Green eyes seem to brighten as he leans in.  "Just what I always want from you - more," he says before kissing me.

"More of what?" I ask breathily after he breaks the joining of lips.

"More nights, a few mornings, maybe a couple afternoons," he states with a grin.

"You don't--"

"Forget what I usually do.  I'm talking about you and me right now."

"And what exactly are you talking about."

He doesn't respond immediately, instead taking a moment to brush aside strands of hair from my eyes.  "You hate my kisses, don't you?"

I frown, not certain where he is going with this.

He laughs.  "Rather, you hate me shoving my tongue in your mouth.  You also don't like it when I touch your balls, or talk dirty or any of the normal sex talk that I'm used to.  And damn me to hell if I comment on your beauty."

"Your point being?"

"I also know about those special spots behind your ears and under your knees that drive you wild.  I'm learning, Squally-boy.  I'm learning about you and your body, about what you hate and love.  In short, sex can only get better from now on."

Despite myself, I ask in an uncertain voice, "Better?"

"Mmm, much better.  There's also plenty we haven't done yet and you really put me into a creative mood."

I sit up sharply, needing to escape those burning green eyes.  It's not supposed to be like this.  It was supposed to be a one time thing to make Seifer happy, maybe even to serve as an unintentional 'thank you' for helping me to become a better fighter than I would have been training on my own.  But I never expected to find my own pleasure in all of this.  I demanded Seifer to take me last night because I didn't want to owe him anything, and I certainly didn't want another night of him making me feel things that I'm not used to feeling.  I thought having his dick ripping me apart once more would remind me that I didn't care about sex, but fucking Hyne, it didn't hurt.  No, it was far from hurting last night.  Maybe somewhat uncomfortable, but those pulses of pleasure easily made up for any pain I had felt.  It was so unfair.

"Listen, I'm not talking about a relationship or anything.  Just an occasional fuck whenever we feel like it.  Maybe replace a couple of our sparring matches with a more relaxing, less damaging night of sex."

I don't look back at him, keeping my eyes forward.

He sighs at my lack of response.  "All you have to do is say 'no' and I won't push you, but until I get something clear like that, I'm going to continue harassing until I trick you back into my bed."

It's quiet for a time as I try to sort through my thoughts, but all I can focus on is the echo of 'it can only get better from now on'.  Something deep inside tells me that I'm going to regret this decision someday, but hopefully I can enjoy it for now.

I turn to face Seifer.  "I only have to say 'no'."

He nods.

"There are no ties or responsibilities.  Just the fuck."

Grinning, he nods a little more eagerly.

Unable to resist a small smile of my own, I ask, "And it'll get even better?"

His grin turning into something more lustful, Seifer places a hand at my neck.  "Care for me to show you?"

I frown.  "We're hiking back tomorrow."

"A shame, isn't it?  Maybe we should ditch a day of classes."

"... ..."

"You know, one of these days I'll break those good habits of yours.  Anyway, you do realize that we can do things without my dick touching your ass."

"Hn.  I guess you'll have to show me."

He chuckles.  "I'd be more than happy to."

~ > < ~

Cool water pouring over heated skin, I take a deep relaxing breath as I lean forward with my hands pressed against the tiled wall.  Letting my eyes crack open, I stare down at a spot of dark red that mars my skin just above a cold hardened nipple.  Thoughts of the night previous makes me smile vaguely as I hope to try that topping position on Seifer again.  While I didn't care for the more exposed feeling it had caused, I enjoyed having a stronger sense of control over the blonde.

Sighing, I close my eyes before directly placing my face into the stream of cold water and moving on with my shower as thoughts continue to flood my mind.  It's hard to believe that it has already been five months since our first time, our meetings once or twice a week apparently unnoticed by other cadets in Garden.  Even our roommates are preferring to ignore the obvious.  It helps that Seifer and I are well known to fight at all hours of the days, and bruises are excellent at covering bite marks.  I personally don't give a shit if anyone notices, but I'm rather certain Seifer prefers maintaining his playboy status, and frankly, our lives aren't anyone else's business.

Turning off the water flow, I wring out my hair before reaching for the towel I hung up on the neighboring showerhead.  After quickly drying my body and rubbing the towel roughly against my hair, I then wrap the dark cloth around my waist.  Before I can exit the shower area and head for the locker room, three older teens step through the entrance and block off the opening as they stop once spotting me.

"Well, hey, hey.  It's the ice princess," says the one with short brown hair.  I vaguely recognize him, as well as the other two with darker hair, but I have yet to bother learning their names.

"Whacha doing all by your lonesome?" asks the middle guy.

Not answering, I just stare at them with a fist at my hip.

"Man, look at those scars.  You must really suck to get hit so often.  Why don't you go slip on a dress and join the other pretties back in Balamb?"

The brown haired one laughs.  "Then he can really suck, on dick, that is.  Do your lovers like you in all that leather you wear?"

I resist a roll of the eyes, getting bored with waiting for them to wear out their repertoire.  Some days I'm tempted to give them a script of new material to try out.

"Nah, they like him in a different set of leathers."

"Come on, pretty boy, you can tell us - do you always have something shoved up your ass or do you save the gerbils for special occasions?"

"Leave him alone, ass wipes."

At the deep voice, the three idiots turn sharply to look at the intruder, their defenses lowering at the sight of Seifer.  Meanwhile, I glare at the blonde as my body suddenly fills with hot anger at his appearance.

"Shit, Almasy.  You scared me for a moment there," says the brown haired teen.

"You better be scared, Kenes.  If you think I'm going to let you talk shit to--"

"Almasy," I hiss in a low voice as I step forward.  Seifer looks up at the sound of his name, unintentionally positioning himself just perfectly for my right hook.

Knocked back a step, he places a hand to his eye.  "Fucking shit!  What the hell--"

I continue forward and hit him solidly in the stomach, though it does little damage beyond forcing a grunt from the blonde.

Quickly slipping into a fighting stance, Seifer growls low before throwing his own punch, knuckles grazing my cheek as I barely dodge the attack.  The other cadets back away from the sudden fight, though they don't move too far as they cheer on Seifer.  But they are easily forgotten as I sink into the fight, needing to focus on my defense to avoid Seifer's fists.  I know too well that it'd take only one well placed punch to knock me out for the rest of the day.  Relying on dodges and feints, I manage to plant a few more solid hits on the larger teen, but before things move much further, my towel slips from my waist, the moment of distraction enough to allow the blonde a free strike.  A brief sensation of flying is sharply interrupted by a surge of pain with my vision flashing to white before blackness overcomes me.

~ > < ~

Still feeling a bit dizzy, I take my time walking down the corridor towards Seifer's dorm room.  Half of my day was wasted in the infirmary, and I imagine Dr Kadowaki is going to be hunting me down any moment once she notices that I've escaped from under her nose.  Whatever.  I'm sick of that place and my own bed will be much more comfortable, that is, after I have my talk with Seifer.

"LEONHART."

I look up from my focus the carpet to notice the duo who follow Seifer nearly everywhere.  Fujin and Raijin, I think it was.  I've never really met them myself, but Seifer has told me plenty about them.  Talk about a strange group of friends, though I really don't have the right to say anything given my loner status.

While the rather butch looking girl only glares at me with her single redden eye, the much larger male moves to block part of the hallway.  "Whacha doing down this way, Leonhart?"

Narrowing my eyes, I tell them, "It's none of your business."

"If it's gotta do with Seifer, then it's our business, ya know.  We won't let ya hurt him."

I resist a laugh.  "He doesn't need your protection."

"You punched him a good one, ya know."  Black eyes scan over me.  "Strong fer a small guy, aren't ya?"

Folding arms across my chest, I glare at him.  "What do you want?"

"Actually, me and Fu here have been meanin' to talk with ya.  We don't want you hurtin' Seifer, ya know."

I raise an eyebrow at that.

In an almost shy fashion, the large guy scratches the back of his head.  "Well, not when yer supposed ta be hurtin' each other but, um, ya know what I mean.  He was really upset with you earlier."

I shrug, then move forward to walk around them both.  The large guy looks about to stop me, but the young woman stops him with a simple signal of her hand.  Cute how much they worry about their apparent leader, but it doesn't mean much to me.  The two 'posse' members quickly fading to the back of my mind, I focus on the doorway to Seifer's room and briefly think about what I should bother telling him.  It takes a couple strings of knocks before the door is answered, one of Seifer's roommates looking at me with some surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

"To see Almasy."

He bites his lower lip and mumbles a 'I don't know' that is quickly interrupted by a deep voice calling from further inside.  "Let him in, already.  It was just a few bruises, for Hyne's sake."

Muttering something along the lines of 'you were the one ranting earlier,' the darkly skin roommate waves me inside.

Used to the dorm room by now, I walk directly into Seifer's bedroom and press the button for the door to slide shut, but I don't bother to lock it.  I shouldn't be here long enough that it'd matter.  The blonde hasn't bothered to get out of his bed yet, his eyes closed as he lies on his back.  Though his clothes have changed from earlier this afternoon, nothing seems out of the norm for the teen, his bruises probably quickly healed by a simple potion.

"What are you doing here, Leonhart?"

Not moving from the doorway, I ask, "Do you think I'm weak?"

Green eyes snap open as he sits up to glare at me.  "Like hell I do.  What gave you that idea?"

I ignore him.  "Do you think you own me?"

His eyes narrow further.  "No."

"It's one or the other, because you obviously felt like you needed to protect me today."

"It wasn't--"

"It was like that.  And Seifer, for future reference, I don't need you or your help."

I don't wait for a response, pounding my fist on the button that opens the door.  For whatever reason, Seifer lets me go without a word to defend himself.  Fine by me.  Suddenly feeling exhausted, I walk out of the dorm room to head for the lower level where my dorm room is waiting.  Rather surprising that I want to go to bed after sleeping most of the afternoon away, but I'm never one to fight against the need for peaceful rest.


[Seifer]

After the second try at knocking, I surrender and punch in the code to deactivate the lock on the dorm suite.  Walking straight to Squall's room, I don't bother to knock before using an override code I figured out which disables locks on all bedroom doors for emergency type situations.  After I flip on the lights to the room, a touch of nervousness flows through me at the sight of the brunette sound asleep on his bed.  Remembering to first close the door and relock it, I hurry over to the bedside and proceed to shake the hell out of Squall.

His eyes are slow to open, something that scares me given his typically alert state once anything invades his space and wakes him.  Eventually the stormy eyes focus on me, a frown quickly forming.

I shove him back onto the mattress.  "You idiot!  Don't fall asleep when you could be suffering from a concussion."

"I'm fine."

"Phft, and you know that I'm the last to believe those words from your mouth.  Dr K sunk to the level of asking me to check in on you.  Why the hell did you leave the infirmary in the first place?"

He sits up with a sigh.  "If you're done lecturing me, you can leave now."

"No, I'm not done with you yet."  Running a hand through my hair, I take a moment to cool my temper and collect my thoughts.  "I fucked up this morning."

His eyes widen slightly at the admission, but he says nothing.

"But seeing those asses talking to you like that...  I know you aren't weak, Squall.  Trust me, I have the scars in proof of that.  And I wasn't defending you because I thought they were insulting something that was mine, or whatever you meant by wanting to know if I thought I owned you.  Just hearing that shit pissed me off."

"Why?  You've said worse in the past."

I smirk at his sleepy annoyance.  "I've earned the right to harass you.  Those idiots were spineless pricks."

Squall stares at me incredulously for a moment before covering his face with a hand.  "Arrogant bastard."

"That's old news.  So back to you.  Why did you leave the infirmary?"

He shrugs.  "Hate the place."

Smiling, I look down at the brunette and enjoy the sleep rumpled appearance he pulls off so well.  A shame I don't get to see it very often with the guy always waking at insane hours in the morning.  Only a few times I've managed to thoroughly tire out the lion during the night, making him savor some mornings of sleeping in.  But that takes quite the bit of effort on my part.  At least I had managed to convince him into taking the top position on me last night, Squall enjoying it more than he'd ever tell me out loud.  Well, aside from the occasional moans.  Unfortunately, he's getting better at controlling those whimpers and cries.

"If you're waiting for an invite, Seifer, don't."

Blinking, I realize that I must have been staring for a long time if I've made the stoic lion speak out.  "Actually, I am thinking about hanging around.  Dr K said something about not letting you sleep for another few hours."

"I'm not in the mood," he says, the voice clear in the message that no matter what I could do, he won't get excited by it.  One of these days, I'll have to figure out how he manages to control his body so completely when he truly doesn't want to have anything to with sex.

"You had the back of your head bashed against a hot water tap this morning and you think I want to fuck you?  Come on.  I'm not that bad."

He looks at me with disbelief.

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.  Can't we just, well, talk or do something that wouldn't end up with one or both us bleeding or well-fucked?"

He scoffs.

"Fine, how about I talk and you listen to stay awake."

"... I'm not getting rid of you, am I?"

"Not for the next few hours, no."

Shaking his head in defeat, Squall moves over on his bed, making room for me to sit down.  Tossing my trench coat onto the chair next to his desk and toeing off my loosely laced boots, I plop down onto the offered section of mattress space.

"So, how goes it?" I ask with a grin, earning a scowl in response.

It takes a while to get into a decent conversation, myself not used to really speaking with the brunette.  It's been a long time since our days at the orphanage, and even then he never talked much.  It's odd, but I didn't even remember sharing a past with Squall before Garden.  It wasn't until recently when we had spent some on the beach that vague memories returned to me of the dark-haired boy who rarely spoke.  Memories have built up from there, of the orphanage, of Matron, of the ocean.  Hell, even memories of Chickenwuss have come back to me, as well as my urge to call the young blonde by such a stupid name.

Squall doesn't remember.  He only remembers a little bit about living near an ocean, but nothing more.  For whatever reason, I haven't tried to remind him of our past.  Perhaps I'm worried that he'll get mad at me for leaving him after a child's promise to never desert him.  Or maybe I'm afraid that he isn't the Squall that I remember, but really, how many brown haired, stormy eyed boys named 'Squall' could there be?

Playing with the toes of one of the feet resting in my lap, I ask him, "What do you plan to do once you make SeeD?"

"Whatever is fine."

"Come on, you must have some kind of dreams or goals to serve as your motivation."

Watching me toy with a toe, he says, "I just want to stay alive."

"Nothing more?"

"What else would I want?"

"I don't know.  Money, fame, power..."  I grin while taking his foot into my hands and begin to massage it.  "Personally, I'm determined to make the Almasy name known worldwide.  I'll become the strongest fighter there is, and damn those who dare to challenge me."

"Why?"

"Because that's the ultimate immortality.  I'm not satisfied living the normal life, to live and be forgotten.  I want more than that."

Sighing, Squall closes his eyes.  "You should learn to be satisfied with less."

"What, find me a little wife and settle down in a small house before having kids and puppies and other mundane family things?  I'm bored just thinking about it."  When he doesn't say anything to that, I ask him, "Are you already thinking about a painfully normal family life?"

He scoffs.  "No.  Not my thing."

"A-aw, I bet you'd be a great daddy.  I can see you now, cooing over your baby and asking him to say 'dada'.  Though you better let your wifey handle heating the formula.  Don't want you burning the entire house down before your kids could have fun tearing it apart."

Reopening his eyes, he scowls at me.  "Isn't it time for you to leave yet?"

Glancing at the clock, I'm surprised to see that it has already been over five hours since I invaded Squall's room.  "Shit, I can't believe it's almost one.  Well, mind if I just spend the rest of the night here?"

"Yes, I mind."  Leaning over, he flips off the lights.  "But you can stay anyway."

~ > < ~

In more than the literal sense of the word, I wake up one morning.  It's earlier than I'm used to waking up, and later than typical for Squall, and so I find myself still wrapped around the smaller, leaner body of the sleeping youth with our legs intertwined.  I don't know what is different about this particular morning as compared to numerous others, but unwanted realizations crash over me.  Four months.  For nearly four months, it has only been Squall in my bed, and the frightening thing is how wrong it feels to even think of having someone else in his place.

Not moving in fear of waking the peaceful brunette, I try to calm suddenly rushed breaths.  I'm not gay.  I can't be gay.  This... thing with Squall is just for enjoyment, just a different type of sparring.  Sure, I never really expected us to last... shit, has it really been almost a year?  While this is still just supposed to be about the fuck, I think it has become something more despite that.  Fuck buddies don't spend hours walking along the coast, or share specially made desserts, or enjoy a rare morning of lying in bed together.  And, crap, he's currently wearing my sweatshirt as if it were the most normal thing in the world to use my clothing when he gets too cold.  The sad thing is that it is a normal thing.  I swear, there must be ice cubes floating within his blood.

Given all of that, what does it mean?  I know that other men don't interest me in the least.  I've tried scoping out other potential bedmates for a comparison to Squall, but no one else has even cause a spark of interest let alone the obsessive fire my lion has ignited within me.  But what if I've also lost my interest in finding other women to satisfy my needs... No, that can't be possible.  I, Seifer Almasy, cannot be gay.

There's a quiet moan and a flutter of thick lashes before Squall opens his eyes to look confusingly at my bare chest.  Gradually he moves his gaze to look up at me, pale lips just barely curling into something that I doubt anyone else could recognize as a smile.

"Morning."

Lost in the hazy pools of deep blue flecked with gray, I smile.  "Good morn.  I take it I exhausted you last night?"

He huffs before moving out of my hold to sit up and stretch.  He then stands up from bed, giving me an oddly delicious sight of him clad in only the sweatshirt too large for him.  I'm reaching out for him before I think about it, but Squall dodges my attempt to drag him back into his bed.

"I've got class," he states before leaving the room with a towel and robe in hand.

When I find myself staring mournfully at the door he had left through, I shake my head before lying back fully on the bed and covering my closed eyes with a hand.  It then takes some effort before I can drive away the too clear images of last night and other favorite visions of Squall.  Though I have to wonder if I could ever in real life trick the lovely into a dress or skirt and see if he'd look anything like I have imagined, or maybe even better.  And handcuffs.  We need to get a set of handcuffs.  I've also heard that large beads can be used in interesting ways...

... Hyne help me, I need to find a woman.

 

{Continued}

 

Author's Note - And another chapter done.  Sorry for the rushed feeling at the end there, but there was nothing else to cover within those months of them just fucking around and I wanted to end on the note of Seifer second guessing himself which leads to, you guessed it, Rinoa darling.  Don't worry, I won't be writing much about her since Squall apparently didn't know of her or her direct relationship to Seifer, thus there's no reason to get deeply involved with her.  But she will have her role to play.  One more chapter of this ficcie plus an epilogue...